Jane Austen is My Homegirl Rap - Pretty Darn Funny

Almost certainly the most amazing song I have ever heard. In the history of ever. WATCH THIS NOW. I already watched it twelve times. I cannot wait until I can a legit version of the song on iTunes.

LYRICS

GRACIE
I’m Miss Gracie, honey,
and I always bring the funny.
I’m so into Jane Austen,
my kids call me “Mummy.”
I’ll watch BBC
till my hubby gets crabby.
I really know what’s up
in Downton Abbey.

MADISON
I’ve got flowy lush hair
all over the place.
And these hips were made
for an empire waist.
I look good in velvet, satin, and lace.
Disgrace the Brontës?
You’d better watch yo face.

RYANNE
Hey you, yeah you,
Matthew Crawley,
you blue-eyed blondie,
Manchester hottie:
you’re the new-age,
fair-haired Mister Darcy.
If I were your fair cousin Mary,
I’d be like, “Solicitor, I’d like a kissitor.”
I’ll be your lifetime visitor, prisoner of love.
I’ll give all my suitors a shove, if you give me a buzz, cuz.
Just don’t play hard to get, cuz. 

MADISON
Rollin’ down the lane,
in my carriage, sippin’ on currant juice.
Laid back, with my mind on my suitors
and my suitors on my mind.

CHORUS
Hey, ho,
it’s pretty darn funny yo,
that if we lived in a time
that our favorite shows is,
we’d probably have died from tuberculosis.

Hey, ho,
it’s pretty darn funny yo,
that if we lived in a time
that our favorite shows is,
we’d probably have died young.
Y’all gotta love the— 

SHIRLEEN
—Dowager Countess!
You can’t count this!
The number of times
she puts her foot in her mouth
is incredible.
Bluntness: unforgettable.
Rudeness: regrettable.
Yes, Maggie Smith is my hero,
and this is my anthem.
You can’t stand it?
Have words with Lord Grantham,
(Grantham, Grantham, Grantham)
Youse about to hafta finda
different mansion.

JENNIFER
Once I turned down a date
and stayed up till dawn
to watch the North and South marathon.
My friends say I’m crazy,
but, for what it’s worth,
I’ll just never love a man
as much as Colin Firth. 

GRACIE
My dowry brings
all the boys to the yard,
and they like, start quoting the Bard.
They try to woo me,
but, I have to charge…
In pounds, probably. 

CHORUS
Hey, ho,
it’s pretty darn funny, yo,
that our favorite heroines
who have such gumption,
most likely would have died of consumption.

Hey, ho,
it’s pretty darn funny, yo,
that us ladies
would rather lose our hair
than miss watchin’ a show
about class warfare.

NORA
I just read the proper romance, Edenbrooke.
Nows I gotsa practice my smoldering looks.
My friend loves Phillip but,
I’ll have to show her
no man stills my heart
like Horatio Hornblower.
I doth love the menfolk who talk like Keats,
Yo Gordy, esquire, throw me some beats!

GORDY
Darcy, Crawley, Willoughby—
Those fools ain’t got nothing, see.
I’ve got the skills that makes the ladies faint in front of me.
I got Sense AND Sensibility.
And what about Northanger Abbey?
I got the whole collection on DVD! 

RYANNE
I’d push my broom back and forth,
I’d push my broom back and forth,
if I could clean that cutie Mr. Bingley’s room, well, of course. 

CHORUS
Hey, ho,
it’s pretty darn funny, yo,
that we’d have taken our chances
of gettin’ cholera
to get a date with a British suitor, holler y’all! 

Hey, ho,
It’s pretty darn funny yo,
that if we lived in a time
that our favorite shows is,
we’d probably have died from tuberculosis.

Hey, ho,
it’s pretty darn funny, yo
that we’d have taken our chances
with dysentery
if it meant we could be
properly married.

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    This pretty much represents my followers.
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    …….What the fuck just happened?
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    omg
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    Best thing ever.
  30. jen7waters reblogged this from fuckyeahdarcyandelizabeth and added:
    Dude! You can’t use ‘Willoughby’ in the same sentence as ‘Darcy’ and ‘Crawley’—eww!
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